July52009
This City
This city
Is ever changing
but still I walk in circles in circles in
This City
Is the only home I’ve ever known an I wonder if you can outgrow something as big as
This City
It holds all my memories in it’s steel foundations and dirty pavement -the ones that are left at least ‘cause
This City
Eats itself alive
This City
Makes me lonely with a thousand people all around
This City
My adult playground with no trees, my childhood prison
Tags: /Emo
July12009
“But I am learning not to be…”
I’ve been a fool.
It’s mostly my fault, but partially not. I am also a victim.
I am gullible.
I am learning not to be.
I used to take attention and eat it up. I got too much from the wrong places and became fat with gross qualities.
And you still told me I was beautiful.
I was shitty to you.
There is no classy way to say it.
I took a beautiful and fragile thing - the best thing I have ever had or felt and I pumped it full of insecurities and doubt and pain.
I will never have enough money to pay for it.
You thought my tears and anger were yours.
But it all belonged to me.
I was so patient and willing - so in love. Then I became greedy and wanted things you never were.
Now I want the everything I know you are.
I long for the simplest things that I have lost.
Things that I had but let go of because I foolishly believed there was better.
I ache for a kiss on my shoulder blade.
Your hand in mine
The glow of your booklight as I fall asleep
The smell of your t-shirts
The shape of your lips
And your face next to mine when I open my eyes.
I’m so angry.
I can never make you understand that you still take better care of me then anyone.
Because you still love me
In whatever way you can, or will , or do.
I would do anything for you.
You make me want to be better to myself
I’m so scared.
I want to try again so badly - but I can’t do anything
My powers of pursuasion don’t work on you
you must be a superhero
I leave you alone
I leave you alone because I want you to be happy and I dont want you to feel like you have me there as a weight
dragging behind you.
I can only hope you will remember that once upon a time you wanted me next you because it made your night better.
I am better now.
Better then even when we first started.
Because every smile from you to me is like sunlight on my day.
You make me feel loved and smart and beautiful just by the little things you do.
And you dont mean to.
Which makes it genuine.
Which makes me stupid
Because I took small problems and made them bigger.
Because I didn’t realize that your small gestures, and words had bigger meanings.
I don’t know how to stop loving you.
I have no desire to.
Tags: /Emo
